Stress Management and Positive Psychology
Self-Improvement Project
To develop interpersonal skills. We need to understand how we react to a stressful situation. Usually, conflict arises when two or more people engage in a disagreement. The source of disagreement can be numerous, such as opposing views, different beliefs, communication style, and conflicting perspective that leads to disagreement and trigger an emotional reaction that demands engagement in the conflict.
While engaging in a self-improvement project, what I found more challenging and difficult to change is the internal conflict that people experience in their personal lives and the inability to cope with the stressors of daily life that trigger our reactions and eventually lead to stress and conflict. Interpersonal conflict is merely a symptom, a manifestation, or a response to environmental stimuli.
No matter what is the source of the conflict, it is an inevitable reality of life. There is no escape from it unless we learn to deal with it effectively and constructively.
Therefore, my goal is to be proactive rather than reactive and engage in a communication style that is constructive and collaborative. Be able to find a solution to a problem; a positive outcome of disagreement and put an end to stress that arises due to interpersonal conflict.
There are five different patterns of dealing with conflict such as avoidance/withdrawing, accommodating, competing/ forcing, compromising, and collaborating (Lulofs & Cahn, 2000). When people engage mindlessly in an unavoidable cycle of conflict, they often fail to recognize that their reaction becomes habitual and automatic. They usually take a fight-or-flight response. Rather than engaging in constructive strategies to find a solution to a problem they engage in counterproductive strategies.
In order to deal with interpersonal conflict, I identified short-term and long-term goals for myself. One of the short-term goals that I have set for myself is to “Identify problems rather than complaining or blaming”. The psychology behind this technique is “constructive coping” to be mindful and conscious of the problem rather than pinpointing fingers or blaming another person which is counterproductive.
Identifying a problem is a constructive approach to conflict resolution because it targets the behavior and focuses on the problem that needs to be changed. Practicing this technique mindfully helps me disengage from a stressful situation.
In addition, mindful practice requires cognitive effort and a shift in attitude from automatic processing to controlled processing. Which is very helpful in managing emotions, being more assertive rather than reactive, and providing a sense of control over the situation.
What I find challenging about this collaborative approach to communication is that it demands a certain kind of environment, where people who are engaged in conflict are in agreement to find a solution for the mutual problem and change the negative behavior pattern that is a contributing factor to the stress. Because communication is a two-way process, therefore problems should be identified and resolved together to avoid future conflicts. I have also used positive feedback to reinforce desired change in the behavior of others to create a more collaborative environment.
Another short-term goal is to avoid loaded words that trigger negative reactions and escalate interpersonal conflict. Interpersonal conflict is a source of stress that depletes you of mental and emotional energy. Interpersonal conflict is interconnected and intertwined with daily stressors. It is how we react to the situation rather than respond. Stress is part of everyday life and problems don’t take a break but present themselves in one form or another. Therefore, constructive coping skills are required to survive and thrive in life.
It is critical to analyze how we can deal with interpersonal conflicts that act as a response to environmental stimuli and demand a reaction. Negative reactions and inability to cope with stressful situations can lead to psychological and physical illness, such as High blood pressure, anxiety, insomnia, depression anxiety, and eating disorder (Falsetti & Ballenger, 1998). Therefore, my long-term goal is to be mindful when conflict arises and deal with it by using strategic thinking and applying constructive coping tactics.
According to the classification scheme defined by Moos and Billing; Constructive coping techniques are divided into 3 main categories, such as 1) Appraisal-Focused, 2) Problem-focused, and 3) Emotion-focused. The challenge that I face while applying this strategy is what kind of approach will bring positive outcomes for conflict resolution.
How do I evaluate my problems? What are the criteria? In order to apply these strategies, I created a chart with three columns. In one column I add “emotional reaction/ irrational thinking”. In the second column “rational thinking” and in the third column I listed “real problems” that require immediate attention. This technique helped me sort out if I was overreacting to the current situation or exaggerating the problem. If my emotional reaction is the baseless and unrealistic appraisal of stress.
Therefore, applying Appraisal-focused, problem-focused, and Emotional-focused strategies at the same time is helpful. For example, I applied an Emotion-focused strategy and invested most of my time in personal growth, meditation, exercise, and emotional support from close friends.
I invested most of my energy in creating solutions to new problems, becoming assertive in my communication style, and keeping self-distracted with work. However, being persistent and consistent didn’t help because problems were more persistent than my willingness to resolve them.
I felt discouraged at times when one day I realized what I was missing was Appraisal-focused strategies, I was reacting and not thinking rationally and I failed to evaluate the intensity of the problem. Once I was aware of my shortcomings I realized that there are events that “trigger my emotional reaction”, but I was not analyzing the event rationally and consciously. The psychological mechanism behind this approach is explained by Elli’s Rational Thinking (Ellis & Ellis, 2001). He suggested that there are 3 steps to unrealistic appraisals of stress; Activating events, Belief systems, and Consequences. The most important step is “appraisal of stress” because Stress lies in the eyes of the beholder. How we perceive it and how we interpret it triggers our emotional reaction.
What I have learned through my life experience, interpersonal conflicts and self-improvement projects is that it is not easy to change ingrained thinking or automatic processing because it is spontaneous and effortless. Shifting the attitude to a mindful approach or controlled processing requires conscious cognitive effort, strategic planning, and rational thinking.
Not only that it requires effort but creating an environment to sustain this change is even more difficult. It is a long-term project and results cannot be achieved instantaneously, it demands patience, persistence, and perseverance. I discovered my own strengths of perseverance and patience but my weaknesses as well.
What I appreciate about positive psychology is that it is focused on discovering the highest human potential giving them tools to succeed and flourish. It focuses on well-being and human strength rather than mental health issues and disorders. The psychoanalysis theory of Sigmund Freud is indeed a great contribution to the field of psychology but it is focused on the negative aspect of the human psyche and development. I felt that it was not well balanced until I discovered positive psychology.
Stress lies in the eyes of the beholder. How we perceive it and how we interpret and upraise the stress.
Interpersonal conflict can escalate in daily life out of control due to any reason such as work-related stress, money, relationship issues, and miscommunication. we should learn not to magnify issues not at the cost of our precious energy. Learn to preserve your mental and spiritual well-being.
Learn to overcome stress and be productive in life. Reach out to me or enroll in the course, manage your stress, and thrive in life
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